I need to be serious for a moment. My heart is breaking because it seems that every time I turn around, I am hearing about a child who was tormented by their peers to the point of suicide. The rate that it is happening today is alarming. The worst part of it is, the parents make excuses for their bullies. Things like "oh kids will be kids" and "he/she is just joking, it's not my child's fault your child took it so seriously" are being heard far too often. The phrase we were all told as children "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is complete crap. I was bullied as a child, and there were times I wished my bullies would just beat the crap out of me. Words cut so much deeper than the scrapes one gets from a fight, and an adult can see the abuse and stop it. That is not the case with hateful comments. Bullying doesn't stop at school ages either. You constantly hear things about the "mommy wars." 90% of the women involved, resort to bullying to "get their point across."
Bullying in children:
Schools these days claim they have zero tolerance for bullying, yet when a case of bullying is found, nine times out of ten, nothing is done. This makes children feel like there is no point in reporting the abuse because it won't stop and will likely get worse. Take for example, a friend of my mother's. Her FIVE year old daughter (let's call her Becky. I won't use actual names to protect those involved.) is in a school with "zero tolerance" for bullying. Another little girl started bullying Becky, so the school moved the other girl out of Becky's class. Then the other girl's friends started in on Becky. Horrifying things you would never think would come from 5 year olds. Becky came home from school with a picture that the other girls drew for her that depicted Becky with a penis, that's right, a penis, pointed at her face. Poor Becky doesn't know what to do, and now the school is not doing anything to stop it. Becky's mother has considered pulling her out of the school because she fears what will happen if she doesn't. Again, this is all from 5 year olds. It only gets worse from there. While boys get bullied as well, I have noticed that girls get the worst of it. If a teenage girl decides that she doesn't like another girl, she will start vicious rumors about the girl's sexual activity. It usually results in other girls joining in and calling the girl a whore, slut, prostitute, and other horrible and degrading names. The boys catch wind of the rumors, and all of a sudden they are approaching the bullied girl with expectations that she will not fill, and then guys start in on calling her a tease or flat out lie and claim that they know what a "whore" she is because they slept with her. Then there is the other side of the spectrum, where the girl is called ugly, and is even told to kill herself. "Why don't you do the world a favor and go kill yourself" is a phrase I am seeing FAR too often these days. Since when did that become Ok? To me, that should be considered as a death threat and punished as such. If this is horrifying you, then good. I want it too, so you can see how serious this problem is.
The "mommy wars":
This form of bullying is shameful as well. Grown women will tell another mother that she is a horrible mother and that her children will be permanently damaged because her parenting style is different from her own. Ladies. Come on now. WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS!! Children are not something we can force through a cookie cutter! Some may fit through fine, but others may get completely sliced up! Every child is different, even within the same family! Each child needs their own parenting style and each needs individual attention! As long as a child is not being outright abused or neglected, then what business is it of yours how another woman raises her child? How do you know that the woman has not tried it your way and it didn't work? Everything with parenting is trial and error. Every parent is going to make mistakes. Even you. No parent is perfect, but that doesn't make you a bad parent. The only bad parent is the one who beats their child bloody or completely ignores their child's needs to the point of emaciation and mental breakdown. Face it. We all have different opinions. Some of us use attachment parenting, some of us cry it out. Some of us breast feed, some of us formula feed. Some of us use time out, some of us use spankings. Some of us circumcise, some of us don't. Some of us vaccinate, some don't. Some of us co sleep, some of us don't. Bashing another woman because of the way she chooses to raise her child, or bombarding her with research supporting your view isn't going to make her change her mind. It is just going to stress both of you out. Accept the fact that you need to agree to disagree and move on. As long as a child is happy and healthy, there is no reason to call another mom a bad mom.
What you can do to help stop bullying:
1) Raise awareness.
2) Support other moms, whether it be helping them get something done about their child being bullied or not telling her she is a terrible mother for having a different parenting style.
3) make your children aware that bullying can lead to suicide, and tell them that no matter the situation, it is NEVER Ok to make fun of someone else.
4) if you hear about bullying in your child's school, demand that the school follow through with their zero tolerance policy. It is there for a reason. Just like the zero tolerance for weapons, it MUST be followed.
5) again teach your children that being a bully is wrong! We never want to think that our child will be a bully, but the fact is, that at some point, they will test limits and bully someone. Kids will be kids but it is our job to teach them wrong from right. If you catch your child, or someone else catches your child bullying, discipline them! They won't learn otherwise.
6) listen to your child. They may not come right out and say they are being bullied, but there are key signs to it. Becoming a recluse is a sure sign. Of you notice this, talk to your child and find out what is going on and then do something about it. Your child depends on you to protect them both physically and emotionally. Paying attention is key.
7) teach your child to stand up for those being bullied. If a bully sees that their victim has support from others, they will back off. They don't want to fight anything they don't feel they can handle.
If we all work towards one cause we may be able to drastically reduce the amount of bullying and the amount of suicides caused by bullying. Unfortunately we will never get rid of bullying because their will always be that one parent who refuses to do anything about their "angel" child, but we can drastically reduce it. Make bullying the social abnormality. Make compassion and courage the norm. Fight bullying.
