Do not read until pregnant (just kidding. Read)

Pregnancy is something we have all heard about. The heartburn, the stretch marks, the pain of labor, all things we've heard about a billion times before. What you don't know, is there are a ton of other things nobody tells you until AFTER you are freaking out wondering if something is wrong. Since I'm not that cruel, I am giving a list of things that most people do not know about pregnancy before they are pregnant.

1.) Your nasal passages will swell, making you a mouth breather, and also giving you nose bleeds. Why? The amount of blood in your body increases while you are pregnant to make sure your little bundle of joy is getting enough oxygen. Unfortunately, our bodies tend to go a little overboard and make so much that it had no place to go, causing the veins to swell, and sometimes, bust.

2.) You will itch. Everywhere. As your body stretches, your skin doesn't have time to give. If you are prone to stretch marks, they will be very evident, and they will itch all the time. Think about that the next time you get grossed out at the pregnant lady scratching her stomach in public.

3.) Think you don't start producing breast milk until after the baby is born? Well, you're only partially right. Your body can begin making a liquid called colostrum as early as 16 weeks. Sometimes earlier for the lucky few (sarcasm). Because you have colostrum, you may as well break out the nursing pads, unless you want to be walking around with a wet shirt. Don't wait. Buy nursing pads during your second trimester.

4.) You will get something called "round ligament pain" starting usually in the second trimester. Particularly when you do more than you ordinarily do. For the first time mom who has no idea what this is, it can be kind of scary! Your first thought will probably be "oh god I'm cramping I must be bleeding" as you run to the bathroom to make sure everything is Ok. Breathe. If the pain is close to your hip bones, you are probably fine. Running does not help this pain. Trust me.

5.) Your eyesight may act funny. Don't go to the eye doctor, its pretty much pointless, because they will tell you that the culprit is your little bean. Remember me mentioning that your blood increases? Yeah. Once again, you can chalk this up to swollen blood vessels.

6.) Yeast infections and uti's are more common during pregnancy. Our good old hormones keep our body in check, and keep a certain balance that prevents these two annoyances from being a problem. Well, unfortunately, during pregnancy, our bodies decide that it is going to completely forget how to function. Keeping yourself hydrated and drinking cranberry juice, or blueberry if you're like me and can't stand cranberry, can help keep the uti's under control. Pro biotic yogurts and keeping vagisil (or whatever brand you use) around helps with the yeast infections.

7.) Morning sickness does not always end after the first trimester. Ignore the books. Seriously. Speaking from experience. Keep food and drink on hand that helps you with your morning sickness, and ask your doctor what prescriptions might be right for you.

8.) Everything tastes a little different. Example? Before I was pregnant with my son, I LOVED twix bars. They were my favorite candy bar. During my pregnancy with him, I didn't like them. Guess what. That doesn't always change after baby is born either. I don't hate twix, but they definitely aren't my favorite anymore. Prepare yourself! You never know what it's going to be for you. Oh, and you will also crave things you previously hated. Have fun!

9.) Once you start to feel the baby kick, the real panic sets in. If they baby doesn't move for an hour or two, you will find yourself squishing them, poking them, and drinking juice or other sugary beverages just to get them to move. I swear, this is the reason they keep us up at night after they are born. As revenge for all of the times we woke them up while in utero all because we are panicking because their kick count was low.

10.) Last (for now), but not least. When everything is said and done, when you're in the hospital holding this tiny little person that everyone expects you to keep alive, you won't remember any of these terrible things that no one told you about. Until, that is, you get pregnant again. Then you have to think to yourself "I think I may be insane!"

A letter to my one year old

Dear son, it is your first birthday! As I sit here thinking about the past year I find myself mystified and so proud of how far you have come. From the moment you were born, you have been the greatest blessing in my life. As difficult as it was to bring you into this world, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I stepped into the hospital at 8:00 PM on May 16th 2013, praying for a quick and easy delivery. You, however, had other plans. I didn't see your precious face until nearly 42 hours later. The first moment I laid my eyes on you was the most beautiful moment of my life. All I could say was how beautiful you were with tears of pure joy and love running down my cheeks. The first moment they let me hold you, the rest of the world faded away. All I could do was look into those big beautiful eyes and stroke your hair. That was the happiest moment of my life.

As you grew you continuously surprised us. Hitting milestone after milestone early, surprising even your doctors. From lifting your head and turning it at two weeks, to crawling at four and a half months, to pulling yourself up and cruising the walls and furniture at six months. You always kept us on our toes. You always did things on your own time, and never when we expected you to do them.

Your personality is already so prominent, and teaching you isn't always easy. You are so strong willed and like to do things for yourself. It is hard sometimes to let go and just let you learn. You are a happy baby. Especially around people other than your father and me. You smile at strangers, and most times they even smile back. Your friendly personality seems to make people's day, and I hope that is something you never lose. You are so funny and outgoing, the complete opposite of myself. You are teaching me to laugh at myself and situations that would otherwise stress me out. I am discovering patience I never knew I had, because let's face it, with your father and I being your parents, how could you not be as stubborn as you are? I hope that later in life, that stubbornness will help you stand strong in the face of peer pressure. I hope that you will be a leader amongst your friends, and that you will always choose to do what you know is right.

We love you so much! The joy you bring to our lives is immeasurable and we can't imagine our lives without you in it. Always remember how special you are to those that love you! Happy birthday!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

What does a mom say? (What does the fox say parody)

Dog goes woof
Cats go meow
Twitter goes tweet
Teething toys go squeak
Kids say boo
At their food
When the color of its green
Pots on the stove
They over boil
smoke alarm goes eh eh eh

But there's one sound
That no one hears

What does a mom say?

Get your butt out of the bed
Brush your hair and brush your teeth
Out the door and off to school

Please eat your vegetables

no you cant stay home from school
Have to follow every rule
No doing drugs is not cool

Say please and thank you!

Happy kids are on the go
Soccer, dance, and arts and crafts
Painting, sewing, yoga go

Family weekends!

You are driving me insane
Go ask your dad he'll say the same
I've got a pain up in my brain

What does a mom say

Innocent eyes
Always mean
You've done something
That i shouldn't see
Sharpie marks
Up the hall
Suddenly I am twitching

Praying that I
Have the tools
To remove this work of art
Cause if I don't
Then you might lose
Your to-oo-oo-oo-ooys
To-oo-oo-oo-ooys
To-oo-oo-oo-ooys

And may lose my vo-oo-oo-oo-oice
Vo-oo-oo-oo-oice
Vo-oo-oo-oo-oice

What does a mom say?

You will eat the food
Thats put in front of you
Be grateful for goods

What does a mom say?

If you cant say something nice
Dont say anything at all
I don't care who started it

I'm gonna finish it!

Be co-oooool
Finish scho-ooooo-ol

What does a mom say?

The secret of the mom
An ancient mystery
How does she do it all?
Is she hiding
Super powers
It'll always be a mystery
What does she say?

She's a guardian Angel
She's always there for you

Listen to your mom!

Villains and heros

When you read to your child each night, the story often includes a hero fighting a villain for what is right. The one thing that never fails though, is that you never know why the villain suddenly became a villain. What made them think the way they do? Is it jealousy of the hero? Has the hero hurt the villain in some way shape or form in the past?

I think it is vitally important to teach our children from a young age to consider a person's situation in life. I feel this way because when you stop to consider what a person may have gone through and why they make the decisions they do and act the way they do it makes it difficult to be judgemental of them. Each person has a totally different experience in life and therefore make decisions that to us may be wrong, but to them may be the only thing they know. I think that if we teach our children to consider all possibilities of reason behind a person's decision, it teaches compassion and a general love for humanity that will ultimately improve the world. Everyone questions how they can make the world a better place. Our children are our way to make a difference in this world.

I know, I know, "wow she's going the cliche route of 'our children are our future,' but no truer words were ever spoken! If we focus more energy on raising our children to have a general love and compassion for humanity as a whole, then they will raise their children to have love and compassion for others. We need to break the cycle of hate and judgement and replace it with love and compassion before this world improves. Teach your children a love of service for others. By serving others they will gain a happiness that other generations did not know. Teach selflessness by setting an example. Strive each and every day to be the person you would like for your child to.become because words do not strike as deeply as actions. Teach your children to.do what is right despite what others are doing. Teach them to never lose themselves just to "fit in." Teach them that individuality is.so much more beautiful than conformity. Teach them that there is far more grey area than there is black and white and that within that grey area, there aren't absolutely  wrong choices, just choices that are wrong for them. Teach them that everyone has their niche in the world. Some people are doctors and some people are mechanics, but that nobody is better than anyone else in any way, shape, or form. Everyone is equal and deserves respect, no matter their race, size, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs. When it all comes down to it, we all bleed red.

"Our children are our future." Let's make the future a bright and beautiful one!

Bullying

I need to be serious for a moment. My heart is breaking because it seems that every time I turn around, I am hearing about a child who was tormented by their peers to the point of suicide. The rate that it is happening today is alarming. The worst part of it is, the parents make excuses for their bullies. Things like "oh kids will be kids" and "he/she is just joking, it's not my child's fault your child took it so seriously" are being heard far too often. The phrase we were all told as children "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is complete crap. I was bullied as a child, and there were times I wished my bullies would just beat the crap out of me. Words cut so much deeper than the scrapes one gets from a fight, and an adult can see the abuse and stop it. That is not the case with hateful comments. Bullying doesn't stop at school ages either. You constantly hear things about the "mommy wars." 90% of the women involved, resort to bullying to "get their point across."

Bullying in children:
Schools these days claim they have zero tolerance for bullying, yet when a case of bullying is found, nine times out of ten, nothing is done. This makes children feel like there is no point in reporting the abuse because it won't stop and will likely get worse. Take for example, a friend of my mother's. Her FIVE year old daughter (let's call her Becky. I won't use actual names to protect those involved.) is in a school with "zero tolerance" for bullying. Another little girl started bullying Becky, so the school moved the other girl out of Becky's class. Then the other girl's friends started in on Becky. Horrifying things you would never think would come from 5 year olds. Becky came home from school with a picture that the other girls drew for her that depicted Becky with a penis, that's right, a penis, pointed at her face. Poor Becky doesn't know what to do, and now the school is not doing anything to stop it. Becky's mother has considered pulling her out of the school because she fears what will happen if she doesn't. Again, this is all from 5 year olds. It only gets worse from there. While boys get bullied as well, I have noticed that girls get the worst of it. If a teenage girl decides that she doesn't like another girl, she will start vicious rumors about the girl's sexual activity. It usually results in other girls joining in and calling the girl a whore, slut, prostitute, and other horrible and degrading names. The boys catch wind of the rumors, and all of a sudden they are approaching the bullied girl with expectations that she will not fill, and then guys start in on calling her a tease or flat out lie and claim that they know what a "whore" she is because they slept with her. Then there is the other side of the spectrum, where the girl is called ugly, and is even told to kill herself. "Why don't you do the world a favor and go kill yourself" is a phrase I am seeing FAR too often these days. Since when did that become Ok? To me, that should be considered as a death threat and punished as such. If this is horrifying you, then good. I want it too, so you can see how serious this problem is.

The "mommy wars":
This form of bullying is shameful as well. Grown women will tell another mother that she is a horrible mother and that her children will be permanently damaged because her parenting style is different from her own. Ladies. Come on now. WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS!! Children are not something we can force through a cookie cutter! Some may fit through fine, but others may get completely sliced up! Every child is different, even within the same family! Each child needs their own parenting style and each needs individual attention! As long as a child is not being outright abused or neglected, then what business is it of yours how another woman raises her child? How do you know that the woman has not tried it your way and it didn't work? Everything with parenting is trial and error. Every parent is going to make mistakes. Even you. No parent  is perfect, but that doesn't make you a bad parent. The only bad parent is the one who beats their child bloody or completely ignores their child's needs to the point of emaciation and mental breakdown. Face it. We all have different opinions. Some of us use attachment parenting, some of us cry it out. Some of us breast feed, some of us formula feed. Some of us use time out, some of us use spankings. Some of us circumcise, some of us don't. Some of us vaccinate, some don't. Some of us co sleep, some of us don't. Bashing another woman because of the way she chooses to raise her child, or bombarding her with research supporting your view isn't going to make her change her mind. It is just going to stress both of you out. Accept the fact that you need to agree to disagree and move on. As long as a child is happy and healthy, there is no reason to call another mom a bad mom.

What you can do to help stop bullying:

1) Raise awareness.
2) Support other moms, whether it be helping them get something done about their child being bullied or not telling her she is a terrible mother for having a different parenting style.
3) make your children aware that bullying can lead to suicide, and tell them that no matter the situation, it is NEVER Ok to make fun of someone else.
4) if you hear about bullying in your child's school, demand that the school follow through with their zero tolerance policy. It is there for a reason. Just like the zero tolerance for weapons, it MUST be followed.
5) again teach your children that being a bully is wrong! We never want to think that our child will be a bully, but the fact is, that at some point, they will test limits and bully someone. Kids will be kids but it is our job to teach them wrong from right. If you catch your child, or someone else catches your child bullying, discipline them! They won't learn otherwise.
6) listen to your child. They may not come right out and say they are being bullied, but there are key signs to it. Becoming a recluse is a sure sign. Of you notice this, talk to your child and find out what is going on and then do something about it. Your child depends on you to protect them both physically and emotionally. Paying attention is key.
7) teach your child to stand up for those being bullied. If a bully sees that their victim has support from others, they will back off. They don't want to fight anything they don't feel they can handle.

If we all work towards one cause we may be able to drastically reduce the amount of bullying and the amount of suicides caused by bullying. Unfortunately we will never get rid of bullying because their will always be that one parent who refuses to do anything about their "angel" child, but we can drastically reduce it. Make bullying the social abnormality. Make compassion and courage the norm. Fight bullying.

Teething

Teething. Everyone goes through it. Fortunately, we don't remember our experience with it. But you know what we do remember? Our kids' experience with it. By the way my son acts, it is probably a good thing we don't remember it.

Why it sucks for baby: it hurts. There is absolutely no denying that. I mean, think about it... better yet bite yourself as hard as you can. It hurts right? Now imagine that coming from underneath your skin. Ouch right? The worst part would be not knowing what's going on. One day you're sitting there as happy as a clam, the next, holy crap my mouth hurts! Not being able to express that you are in pain, you get frustrated on top of everything. So now you're mad and in pain, so what do you do? You cry of course! Your mom picks you up and checks your temperature, and of course you're too little for it to be checked orally, so now you have to deal with a thermometer up your butt, which only makes you more ticked off. Once that's over, now mom has to force feed you some nasty liquid. Once you choke that down things get a little better, and you can go to sleep, but wake up and the pain is back again. It's a seemingly never ending cycle. Then finally the thing that has been sawing your jaw pops through. You get some relief! Yay! But then whoops! You bite yourself. Ouch. Then there is another saw and it starts all over again. Life is hard and painful.

Why it sucks for mom: you have a perfect baby. He is happy all the time, sleeps well, takes long naps, plays on his own, eats well, and never cries in public. All of a sudden it's like a little demon possesses his body and makes your life a living hell. Now he is crying all the time, drooling like hooch, (if you don't know who hooch is, look up the Tom Hanks movie Turner and Hooch. Very funny movie) has gotten super clingy, and makes you that parent in the grocery store dragging a screaming child through the store. Naps almost completely disappear, which makes him over tired and even crankier, and because his mouth hurts, he stops eating well (especially if he's breastfeeding) and you hit freak out mode because you're afraid he's going to starve. The house becomes a mess because you'd rather hold him ad not get anything done rather than try to do it all with a headache the size of an elephant, but end up with a headache anyway because you have to put him down to pee. Nothing makes him happy. He lives on Tylenol. I heard once that if we were to teeth as adults, that we would need morphine to deal with it...and all a baby gets is Tylenol. (You'd think the medical field would quit wasting money on things like weight loss pills and start figuring out how to make a stronger pain killer that is compatible with a baby's body. I guarantee parents would pay out of the nose for something like that! I know I would!) Giving him so much Tylenol makes you think, am I going to damage his liver? Am I giving him too much/not enough? All you want is for the teeth to cut through already so you can live a semi normal life again. Guess what? You're in for the long haul. Teething lasts for up to 2.5 years. Yep, that means you get to deal with terrible twos and the worst teething, when molars come in. The two are most likely connected.... or god has a laugh while watching us deal with our little demons. Kind of like our parents do.

In short, teething sucks for everyone involved. Its painful for everyone involved, whether it be your mouth or head. Fortunately, its only temporary. Ironically, most people want/ have a second kid after all of this. Which can only mean one thing... all parents are certifiably insane and glutton for punishment. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

Discipline

Ok. Lately I have seen a lot of posts on Facebook of kids standing on a busy street, holding up a sign saying what they did wrong. There has been a lot of debate on this style of parenting. Some people say "way to go" others say "horrible parenting." I personally think that these parents are doing something right. People these days are so afraid that their kids will hate them that there is no discipline. The parents would rather be their kids' friends rather than their parent. I am not like this. I am not afraid to be a mean mom. I had a mean mom and I have respect for my elders, have not gotten in trouble at school or with the law and I believe myself to be a genuinely good person. Something people tend to forget is that not all children can be disciplined the same way, even within one family. Every child is different and short of neglect or actual abuse, (I mean leaving bruises and cuts, not just a couple of swats on the butt) there is no wrong style of parenting. But you HAVE to be a PARENT not a FRIEND.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a friendly relationship with your child, but that cannot get in the way of you letting your child know that they have done something wrong. You can't be afraid of hurting your kids feelings. Trust me, as my mother used to say, they can get glad in the same pants they get mad in. In other words, they're going to get mad when you tell them no, but they will get over it. If I had a dollar for every time my parents told me no and it ticked me off, I'd be a millionaire. Guess what? I got over it. Guess what else? I don't hate my parents! Gasp!! I told them numerous times that I did, but what teenager doesn't?

The way I see it, if my kids don't tell me at some point in their lives that they hate me, I am doing something wrong. My kids will hear the word no a lot. No you can't go to that unsupervised party. No you can't have ice cream/ cookies/chocolate etc before dinner. No you cannot stay out past curfew. No you may not go out tonight. No you may not spend the night at a friend's house on a school night. The list of no's grows and grows. Your kids want discipline, naturally they crave it. They wouldn't call it that, but by giving them discipline, you are giving them the attention that they need and crave, and you are molding them into a productive member of society.

Back to the topic of the kids holding signs. One in particular sticks out in my mind. A little boy is standing by the road with a sign that says "I bullied another kid at school and should be ashamed of myself." I saw a lot of comments that talked about how this was bullying and it wouldn't solve the problem. I say it's not and that it is the perfect way to solve this particular issue. This kid humiliated another child for his amusement. I believe by making him stand with that sign he felt similar humiliation, and that will not only make him think twice about doing it again, but will teach him compassion. He now knows what it is to be publicly humiliated and he knows that if he does it again, his mother will make him stand out there again. There are far too many stories on the news these days of kids committing suicide or bringing a gun to school because they have finally had enough of the bullying. Too many parents are using the cop out of "kids will be kids." This is not an excuse. If you find yourself saying kids will be kids after finding out that your child has been bullying someone, you need more discipline in your home. Taking privileges is a good way to discipline a child if you don't want to use the shaming route. Personally I would do both. I do not want some kids suicide on my son's conscience.

Discipline is pivotal to molding a child into a functional member of society. Make your kids mad. I promise they will get over it. Don't be afraid to be a "mean" parent because in the end, when you are done with your kids the rest of the world has to deal with them, and nobody likes dealing with a jackass.